What A Beautiful Name

I was driving all three of my children home from school the other day, and I had a moment. It was a beautiful 65 and sunny afternoon. The trees were red and orange and yellow. The sky was blue with big, puffy white clouds. Weston was in the backseat singing, "You have no rival, you have no evil." I told him the correct word was "equal, not evil" and giggled to myself. I picked up my phone and turned on this song he was singing, "What a Beautiful Name" by Hillsong Worship. I love this song and Weston loves it, too, because they sing it at school. As I was singing the lyrics, I heard Colton trying to sing along in the back (with his favorite green and yellow shovels in hand). I kept hearing him say "Jesus" and it absolutely melted my heart. Tears starting streaming down my face. I was overcome by emotion and a flood of memories came back to me. Memories of the days when I was heartbroken by his diagnosis. Memories of the days when I'd sob in the shower or while driving because MY child was born with Down syndrome. Memories of waiting for milestones to come and trying hard to hold back the tears when I'd see typical kids just naturally develop.

The first two years of Colton's life were really hard for me. Grief came in waves. I'd be good for a really long time and then something would happen and boom, I'd be sad. I knew it was unfair to compare Colton to typical children, but it was so hard to watch children younger than Colton learn to sit and walk and talk before him. But when Colton finally decided to walk at 26 months, I felt this huge weight lift off of my shoulders. Colton was finally given some independence. Colton could play at the park with other kids. As soon as he learned to walk, I just felt something change inside of me. I finally was able to accept Colton for who God made him to be. I finally started to shift my focus from "how far behind he is" to "how far he has come."

My moment in the car was a beautiful moment for me. It was a moment when I realized how much I've grown throughout this experience. I started this journey feeling sorry for myself, and now, I am so grateful for the gift that Colton is to my family. I get to watch the joy he brings to his grandparents...my sisters...my extended family...my neighbors...my friends...his teachers...his therapists...and his classmates. One of Colton's teachers told me the other day, "I am so thankful to have him in my life." Could a parent hear better words from a teacher?

That song reminded me that God's plans are far greater than my plans. Sometimes, we have to go through some hard times to get to the good stuff. Colton is the good stuff. He is my superhero...he is my hunk. He makes me realize that there are more important things in life than being the smartest or the strongest or the fastest. Colton is a little angel and I think he makes Jesus smile.

"What a beautiful Name it is
Nothing compares to this
What a beautiful Name it is
The Name of Jesus."