If you've been following my blog, you know that about a year and a half ago I had a very traumatic miscarriage. I hemorrhaged at 7 weeks and my blood pressure dropped to 63/39. I had an emergency D & C and a blood transfusion. It was the scariest thing I had ever experienced. After that, I decided that we were DONE having children. My body had been through enough and I was completely content with the two beautiful boys that God gave me. I was ready to move on with life and enjoy my family of 4.
About 8 months ago, out of the blue, my husband says to me, "I think we should have another baby!" Ummmm....WHAT? NO! Not happening. He said, "Ultimately, this is your decision because you are the one that has to do it, but I think you should consider it. I think it would be SO great for Weston and Colton to have another sibling. I just think it would benefit our whole family to have one more child. Just give it some thought." So I did. I thought about it for at least a month. I tried to weigh all of the pros and cons of having another child. Some days I was like, Yes, we should do this. It would be a leap of faith. And then other days I was like, NO, what if I have another miscarriage? What if this child has Special Needs? To be very clear here, I want you to know that I absolutely love and adore Colton. Raising Colton is an absolute joy, but that doesn't mean it is easy. It's hard to raise a child with Special Needs and I was just worried that if we had another child with Special Needs, I wouldn't be able to handle it. Colton has dodged a lot of health bullets that another child might not. And once you've had a child with Special Needs, you aren't naïve to the fact that it could happen again. So, I was on the fence for awhile. I just couldn't decide. I didn't want to disappoint my husband by saying No, but I also didn't want to say Yes just because he wanted to have another baby.
One day, I decided that I wasn't going to decide about having another baby. I was going to pray about it and give it to God. I remember my prayer. I told God that I was completely happy and content with the two little boys He gave me. If they were the only two children I was meant to have, then they were all I needed. But if it was His will for us to have another healthy, typical child, then I'd do it....but I begged Him not to let me get pregnant if it was going to end in miscarriage or with a challenging Special Need. After that prayer, I remember feeling a weight lift off of my chest. I was done thinking about having another baby. I was going to enjoy the family I did have and live life. I was going to focus on the here and now, not the future. I completely stopped thinking about it.
2 months later, I found out I was pregnant.
Hunter and I were shocked! We decided not to tell anybody. The first 8 weeks for us are SO hard because we've already had 4 miscarriages. So, we tried not to think about it and to go on with life. When I would get nervous, I would tell myself, "Thy Will Be Done." I didn't want to ask God not to have a miscarriage because sometimes a miscarriage is necessary if the baby doesn't develop appropriately. I just had to TRUST IN HIM. We did get a lot of special treatment those first few weeks because we have a history with the Fertility Clinic because of multiple miscarriages. Side Note: They did Genetic Testing on Hunter and me after we had Colton to see if there was a reason why we had a child with Down Syndrome to help us decide on whether or not we would have any more children. We found out that Colton was just a 1/700 shot. We just hit the Bulls Eye (or the Jackpot, as I like to call it). We were told that based on our age and history, if we decided to have another child, we had a 1/100 chance they'd have Down Syndrome. They told us that if we ever got pregnant to come in for blood work and early ultrasounds. They wanted to make sure I didn't have another traumatic miscarriage like I did the time before. So, we went in every week until we were released to my regular OB. My numbers were looking good and the baby had a heartbeat that eventually reached 162 beats per minute. We felt good about how things were going, but we knew that at 10 weeks we would do the Harmony Test to see if this baby had Trisomy 13, 18, or 21 (Down Syndrome). It was a simple blood test but we had to wait 10 days for the results. It was a LONG 10 days. I spent a lot of time in prayer because it helped to calm my nerves. (By the way, this test wasn't offered when we were pregnant with Colton and we never in our wildest dreams thought it was even possible for us to have a child with Down Syndrome...we were very naïve...but we are thankful Colton was a surprise so we didn't worry the entire pregnancy, however, with this one, we'd like to be prepared).
I'll never forget where I was when the nurse called me with the results. I was sitting on a stool in my bathroom doing my makeup. When she said her name, my heart started pounding. She said that the results were in and that everything came back NORMAL! She also told me the gender, Male, and I laughed when she told me. Of course it's a boy!! I hung up the phone and started sobbing. I called Hunter crying and almost freaked him out, but I couldn't control my emotions. These were happy tears! All of the worry inside me just came pouring out. I didn't realize how much I had been holding inside of my little body.
People often ask me if I'm going to try for a girl or if I wanted a girl. The answer is NO! I absolutely love being a boy mom. I'm a total boy mom! After you've been through what we've been through...GENDER DOESN'T MATTER! How about the fact that we have healthy babies that made it full term! When I hear people get upset over gender, it does rub me the wrong way. There are so many people out there longing for a baby of any gender. People are having miscarriages and stillbirths and infant loss. They would give anything to have a healthy baby, boy or girl. I'm just thankful that this baby has made it so far. I can't wait to meet HIM.
We have a big Level 2 Ultrasound coming up on March 6th. When I think about it, I get nervous. Please pray for us. We pray that this baby has 10 fingers and toes. 2 arms and 2 legs. A healthy heart and lungs and a developing brain, etc... We still aren't out of the woods, yet, but we are hopeful that he will be healthy as can be.
I didn't plan on having Baby #3. Never did I dream that I would have 3 children. Or 3 boys! Or a child with Down Syndrome. But that's the beauty of life. It's exciting and unpredictable, but sometimes challenging and scary. No matter what, I know that God is in control. Hunter and I have been through a lot in the past 7 years, yet here we are, still alive and kicking and happy. No matter the end result...we will be okay! I'm giving it to God. After all, THY WILL BE DONE!
