Two

Two. That was our number. We both agreed a long time ago that we wanted two kids. We liked the idea that we wouldn't be outnumbered. That we'd have a good even number. Two and done. So, while I was pregnant with Colton, I treated my pregnancy as if it were my last. I was fully prepared to end that chapter of our lives. Then, Mr. Colton entered this world with the greatest surprise imaginable. Our hospital experience with Colton was not the joyous event that you picture after giving birth to a baby. It was sad. It was hard. It was scary. 2 days after Colton was born, Hunter says to me, "I think we should have a third." What? Mr. I'm only having 2 kids now suddenly has a change of heart?? And...you want to talk about this NOW? We haven't even left the hospital and I have a 2 day old and I'm still trying to recover from delivering a BABY! I was completely shocked. I told him that we'd talk about it later, but for now, let's focus on the baby I just gave birth to...

Over the past 6 months, we've talked about having a third child. We have three main reasons for wanting a third child...

1. Weston could use another sibling in the future so that he doesn't have to take care of his parents and his brother all by himself. Colton will be in his 50's when we are in our 80's. We probably won't be able to take care of him like we need to at that time in our lives. We don't want all of the responsibility to fall onto Weston's shoulders. Another sibling would help him share in the decision-making and care-taking process.

2. It would be nice for Colton to have bookends...an older and younger sibling to watch out for him. A bigger brother to look up to and strive to be like and a little sibling to push him, who will still be around when Weston moves out one day. Colton already adores his big brother. I can only imagine how much joy another brother/sister would bring him.

3. Closure for us. Although we absolutely love our Colton and wouldn't trade him for the world, his entrance into this world was heartbreaking. The last memories we have of giving birth to a baby are sad memories. I'd love to end on a high note. Please don't take that the wrong way...we LOVE LOVE LOVE Colton...but with his birth came some of the lowest moments of our lives. We've totally bounced back, but we can't redo those first days in the hospital. They are forever tattooed on our hearts.

It's not easy just to say, "Let's have a third child!" With it comes anxiety. I'm very anxious to try again. I've had 3 miscarriages in the past, and I also have a higher chance of having another child with DS. Sure, it's only 1%, but that's a higher chance than before I had Colton (which was 1/700 or so depending on what website you read). A lot of people tell me, "I don't know of a family that has 2 children with DS." Well....I happen to know 2 families that do. So...it can happen. But really, with any pregnancy, you never know whether or not your child will be born with any kind of chromosomal or health issue. A 3rd child could have something completely different. You just never know. And it's scary to think about. If he/she has DS, we've obviously been down that road and know what to do...and Colton would have a sibling just like him.

Already thinking about having a third child seems a little crazy, especially after all of the time I put into therapy with Colton, but next August, Colton will start going to school full-time. With all of the therapy services he will need, we feel that it is in his best interest to be at school. Early intervention is key...and as much as I'm not gonna be ready to let my baby go...I know that I need to. So, with Weston and Colton in school, I'll have more time to care for a third child.

Lately, I've just prayed about it. With Colton, I prayed for a "healthy" baby...and that's exactly what God gave me. But now...I've added another word. I pray for a "healthy, typical" baby. I don't know what the future holds for our family. Will we have 2 kids or 3 kids? Only time will tell. Weston tells me that "when brother gets a little bit bigger, I want you to have a girl baby." It makes me laugh because MY plans are not always HIS plans.

So...I just have to Let Go and Let God. I can't worry about things that are out of my control. But I can pray. And I'd like to ask for your prayers, too. Maybe sometime in the future, God will bless us with another beautiful baby...a beautiful, healthy, "typical" baby.

Two. That was our number. But maybe, just maybe, it will be three.