How We're Doing

I'm pretty much an open book. I don't hide my emotions. If I'm sad, I'll cry in front of you. If I'm mad, I'll vent to you. If I'm happy, you can tell by my bubbly, silly personality. I'm not the type of person that pretends I have it altogether and then goes and cries behind closed doors. With me, what you see is what you get. So, I'll tell you honestly how we're doing. At this point in time, we are doing fabulous!

It's almost been 4 months since Mr. Colton entered this world and turned everything upside down. I'm not gonna lie, those first few weeks were tough. Really tough. I did a lot of crying and questioning God. I was sad, sleep-deprived, hormonal....you name it. When I'd have a few minutes to myself to think about Colton's birth and diagnosis, I'd just sob. It all felt like a dream...and I wanted so badly to wake up...but that never happened. It didn't take long before those tears began to dry up. Just like with any loss (in our case, the loss of the life we thought we'd have), you need some time to grieve. You just have to allow yourself to go through all of those emotions. But...time heals. Although I'll never fully get over the fact that my son was born with DS, I've learned to accept it. I trust that God has a plan for us. Sure, there are going to be times when I'll grieve again. Like when I send him off to preschool...a different preschool than Weston...the preschool that my mother-in-law taught at for 20+ years...the preschool that my husband went to. That's going to be sad for me. Or when I drop him off for therapy...therapy Weston never had to go to. Or when Weston gets his driver's license, wondering if Colton will someday be able to do the same. There are lots of times that I'm going to be sad, and it's going to be hard. But right now...I'm happy. We're happy.

Now, we celebrate the small things that we took for granted with Weston. We get excited when Colton stares at his hands because he finally found them. We get excited when he holds his head up for 25 seconds because we worked so hard trying to build those neck muscles. We smile when that sweet baby finishes a thick bottle of formula in under 25 minutes. We treasure that smile on his face showing us that he's the happiest baby alive. We love the slobber on his hands because they finally found their way to his little mouth. We are thankful because...Colton is healthy. Colton is happy. Colton is chubby. Colton is a mama's boy. Colton sleeps well. Colton eats well. Colton is rocking physical therapy. Colton likes to cuddle. Colton likes to take a bath. Colton is cute. I could go on all day about my sweet Colton. He melts my heart every single day. He is the PERFECT little baby. Weston loves him. Daddy loves him. Mommy loves him. He is our Colton. I thank God for him every day. He is my angel baby. I cannot imagine my life without him. I am so motivated to make that little boy the best little boy with DS that ever lived on this planet. He gives me a greater purpose.

A few days after Colton was born, my husband said to me, "Down Syndrome screwed with the wrong family." Well...you better believe it! We've got big plans for Colton...and we are blessed to have him as a member of our family!