Keepin' It Real

I started this blog to share our journey and to inform people about Down Syndrome. But I also do it because it's therapeutic for me. It helps me to express my thoughts and feelings about having a child with Down Syndrome. Most days are good, really good. And I laugh and play and work with Colton...and he just melts my heart. But every few months or so, I have a day where I'm just defeated. I'm just tired....physically and emotionally. I don't want to have to worry about milestones or therapy sessions or how to motivate my child to do things. And I just have a long cry session...usually in the shower. Today is one of those days. I just want him to do what an 18 month old does. I just want to play with him and not have to feel guilty for not making him self-feed or hold his own juice cup or practice standing or strengthening his core. There are nights when I think back on our day together and I wonder if I did enough. Because I do have days when I don't do much "therapy" with him. I just let him be a kid and play like he wants to play; but then I get mad at myself because I do need to push him. Colton will not push himself. He's content just living how he's currently living. But I want more for him!

Another parent of a child with Special Needs recently said to me, "It's such a fine line we walk, pushing our boys to reach their potential but also accepting them just as they are." And it's so true. It's hard to find the right balance.

What is boils down to is that I just want the best for my child! I want him to be as normal as possible. I want him to walk and talk and play and have friends and learn and get a job and feel independent and loved and accepted. I want him to be the BEST! And he will be...but it just takes so much time and patience. I'm not only caring for my child and disciplining him and keeping him safe...I'm teaching him how to do EVERYTHING! And it's overwhelming and some days it just weighs heavy on my heart.

But tomorrow is a new day. And I'll be just fine. A good cry session is always good for the soul. I just need to focus on how far we've come...and not how far behind we are.

Now, excuse me while I go love on my little guy. Because nobody cuddles better than him, nobody kisses better than him, and nobody makes me feel more loved than him.

HE IS WORTH EVERY TEAR, EVERY HOUR OF LOST SLEEP...HE IS WORTH IT! AND HE IS MINE!




"Don't forget that you're human. It's okay to have a melt down. Just don't unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed."