Marriage

Did you know that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce? Did you know that percentage increases to 80-90% for couples who have a child with Special Needs?

Hours after Colton was born, Hunter and I were constantly on the Internet searching for information. We read articles and blogs and watched videos about Down Syndrome. We were trying to find as much information as we could about it because, to be honest, we knew nothing! We had to quickly catch up because we wanted to better understand Colton. We needed to know what to expect for his health and therapy and education and future. We were looking for things about him, and we didn't think about what it meant for us. We came across these statistics pretty quickly. Hunter brought it up to me in the hospital. He also told me that he read that if the child has Down Syndrome, the percentage is actually not as high. Why? Probably because they ooze love and happiness...and that stuff is contagious. But...the statistics are there. And Hunter and I decided that we didn't want that to happen to us.

Having a child with Special Needs is stressful. Luckily, we've been blessed with a healthy little boy. I can't imagine how much more stressful it would be if we were in the hospital having multiple surgeries and procedures. There's just so much to do and think about. The child becomes your first priority because with DS, the first 12 years are crucial. My PT told me that it's so important to cram as much information as you can into your child because usually after the age of 12, they plateau. On a daily basis, I try to provide a stimulating environment for Colton...

-We try to do some PT to strengthen those muscles and encourage movement
-We try new foods to explore with tastes and textures
-We watch Baby Signing Time to learn Sign Language to help with future communication barriers
-We read books to expose him to new vocabulary words
-I try to repeat the same words over and over so he can learn them (Up, Bottle, Eat, Mama, Dada, Weston, Hi, Bye...not just so that he can eventually say them, but so that he can associate the word with its' meaning)
-We try to practice waving and clapping and signing (he stares at me so intently but he can't quite do those yet)

I just have a lot on my plate each day. I have to be intentional with everything I do. I try to do those things while Weston is at school and Hunter is at work, so that when they are home, we can just play and enjoy family time. I've got to remember that I have 3 boys to take care of and spend time with. Some days do I slack off? Absolutely. Some days we are running errands and cleaning house and watching tv and we don't do much therapy. We have to live a little! But it's always in the back of my mind. I just want the best for Colton...he's my biggest job! So with that being said, I can see how marriages struggle. I can see how pouring so much energy into one child can leave you empty...and you've got nothing left for your spouse. But...you've got to work at it. Just like with any marriage, you have to find time to be together. For us, we try to get our kids to bed at a decent hour so that we can have some time, just the two of us, before bed. Hunter and I like to watch tv together. We record shows and as soon as the kids are asleep, we binge. We also like to devour candy together...it has always been our thing. My friends know that when they come over, there will be candy at my house! We also try to go on the occasional date...it probably doesn't happen as often as it should, but we do get to go out to eat every now and then. We also talk on the phone a lot throughout the day. COMMUNICATION...that's a big one! He randomly calls me to check on us to see how we're doing. He loves to know how Colton did in therapy or what the doctor said or how Weston was at school. We are a team! We make decisions together, celebrate our kids' successes, and encourage each other when we're feeling down. Not a week goes by that Hunter doesn't send me videos or pictures of kids with DS. He is always researching and reading...and I love that about him! He's been doing that since Day 1. They always say one parent grieves more than the other. In our marriage, that's Hunter. This journey has been hard on him. He likes things to be neat and organized and perfect. He likes to be able to "fix" things. And this is something he can't "fix." What he can do is read and research to see how we can make Colton's life better. It's therapeutic for him. Knowledge is power. He sent me a picture this weekend of a boy with DS who had killed a deer...and he was ecstatic! He loves to hunt and he wasn't sure whether or not Colton would be able to hunt with him. I told him, "Of course he can hunt with you. He may not be able to shoot a gun, but he can go and spend time with you and Weston. I'm sure he'll love it! Maybe he can learn to blow a duck call." I just have to reassure Hunter that things are going to be better than he expects. His mind is always worried about the future...where's Colton gonna end up? Is he gonna be happy? Will he have friends? Will he feel lonely? He just worries so much about him and I try so hard to calm him down and make him live in the moment. None of us know what the future holds. Worry less, pray more. God will help us throughout this journey...and He continues to amaze us.

Marriage isn't easy. You have to work at it. You have to know each other's strengths and weaknesses. Through our journey with Colton, we've actually grown closer together. We NEED each other. On my birthday card last month, Hunter wrote a message inside that brought tears to my eyes (because if you know my husband, he's not super emotional or lovey dovey)..."I know we have been through a lot this year, but your strength in each situation just grows my love and respect for you. I couldn't imagine my life without you..." He appreciates me...I appreciate him. We are in this together. We will not add to the divorce statistic. We will make it! In 3 months, we celebrate 10 years of marriage. A decade together...with many more to come. That handsome man has my heart...